na na nachlaot

the great miracles that surround you

2008-09-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

The universe moves exactly the way that it should. Everything that happens is for a reason. And we are all connected. In some way. All of us.

As the new year approaches I can't help but open my eyes to the beautiful things that surround me. The miracles are too many to speak of, but I will share one story with you because this one stands out most of all.

The other day I woke up with the feeling that I had to go to the Kotel. I just had to go. I decided I would go in the evening once the sun was down. It's just too hot during the day. At about 5ish, after a bizarre encounter with a strange person, a very lost person, I got ancy and decided that I had to go at that moment. Its a 20 minute walk at a good pace and so I was off.

As I approached the Golden Old City I immediately felt relieved. I was going home...to speak to my creator, the Abba of all Abbas. I smiled and nodded at the shop keepers who know me by now and know better than to invite me into their stores. They know I come for one reason, and that is to pray. I feel kind of like Mario when he becomes invincible after eating that special plant. You babies of the eighties know exactly what I am talking about. I pass all the shopkeepers with minimal conversation. I arrive and there are hundreds of soldiers...that brought on the first tear or two. I always sit on the stairs and people watch with a drink before I make my descent. I always sit towards the back of the wall and then move to the side when I am ready to let it all out.

I should first tell you that I had been waiting for calls about career opportunities so it had been a couple of days...I felt I had to speak to you know who for some you know what.

I say Ashrei. The phone rings. Its an amazing job that I had interviewed for, but thought nothing of. They want to meet me again. I told her that I was at the Wall. I told her that I was in shock, but very excited and commited the date and time to memory. I went to my position at the side...the rest of the story too intimate to describe. I did my thing.

I felt fantastic afterwards. Like something on my to-do list had been checked off. Ya know what I mean? When I had access to the first available laptop courtesy of a good friend I had received another invitation to a second meeting with another fantastic company. I screamed. I am sure the neighbours heard. I don't really care. I thanked G-d, and thanked myself for allowing myself to have trust.

Now comes the 3rd miracle. I had been standing in the same place where the heartbroken Arab driver had driven into a crowd of soldiers and civilians only a few hours before. I was shmoozing on my phone, as usual, in the same spot. I had planned to go in the later evening.

All I can say is thank Gd I didn't.

I wish you all a beautiful and inspiring New Year. Use this time to ask for all that you wish for.
Open your eyes to both the small and the great miracles that surround you.

May we all go from strength to strength and from joy to joy.

I once was lost, but now am found...

2008-09-19T07:44:00.001-07:00

Well folks I have to tell you all a secret. I am on my way. Elul is panning out exactly as I thought it would. Filled with new beginnings. Fabulous and exciting new beginnings. Having faith. In yourself. In Gd. That's the ticket. Patience. With Gd. With everything. Prayer. I am telling you. Personal Salvation has been the name of my game and I am the winner. I am proud of what has become of the last couple of months. The work is paying off. All great things are worth working for...isn't that how the saying goes? The work is never over, its constant, but its moments like these that we have to kick back and celebrate. And that's what my shabbos is going to be about.

Lately the buzz quote that seems to be popping up all over my life is... 'All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time...' I can't even begin to tell you how much truth there is in that sentence. They are wonderful beginnings if we choose to see them in that way. The events of the last few months would have made most pack up their things and move home. That is not my path. Of course it was an option, but not the appropriate one at this point. Not yet. I am not giving up on myself or my dreams and this is where I happen to live. Things are moving in a good direction, not moving back to my country of origin. I would run into the streets screaming in excitement if it was socially acceptable. If you really must know how I feel.

Life is a game. If we choose to see it that way. The things we do to occupy ourselves and to make ourselves happy and the outcomes of those things are what we live for. Much like games. We people like to find meaning in everything we do. We want to feel that we are part of something. That we have the ability to make a contribution. I am learning in my experience that it is best is to find a career that is suited to ones personality type rather than searching for a job that might really require a different type of person-ality. I will always be a teacher, but I needed a change. What I will be doing will be using many of the same skills. I had been itching for a change and not listening to myself. It happens. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, but I am not a solitary person, so its preferred to keep it as a hobby. I need to spend the majority of my day schmoozing. With people. Building relationships is what I am all about...

Everyone keep your chins up. Everything is going to be more than OK.

If we let it be.

Moving Forward

2008-09-13T13:42:00.001-07:00

It's crazy. Whenever I am in Tel Aviv I miss Jerusalem and whenever I am in Jerusalem I can't wait to get out. Its a real conundrum. But I am trying things out over there. Nothing to lose. Absolutely nothing. This evening, I took one of my final strolls through the market when I got off the monit sherut and just took it all in. This country has real beauty and charm. Jerusalem is a true love. Impossible to truly hate. Maybe one day I will live here again, maybe not. I am open to all possibilities and opportunities now. Absolutely all. Of course only if they feel right. I have no other choice really than to just open my mind and see where things go. Lately I find I enjoy being in moving vehicles. Long drives. It gives me the feeling of moving forward.

For so many months I wasn't moving forward. At least not in this way. Its a whole new vibe I have going on and of course this makes me a bit scared. Who enjoys the unknown? I have taken to speaking with strangers again. I used to do this all the time in university. I have always felt that people are the most interesting things in the world. Tonight I had a pleasant surprise, a very friendly architect and I struck up a conversation. My first friendly chat in Tel Aviv with a perfect stranger. A nice looking one to boot. He took my number as I was getting on the sheirut. Everyone was waiting for me. "Maybe we can make something If I come to Jerusalem or Tel Aviv"... what he meant to say was "Maybe we can do something If I come to Jerusalem or Tel Aviv". I can interpret even the worst of English. I said sure. I like architecture. We have what to talk about.

I don't have much time for distractions anymore. These days require specific focus so I am not waiting for any Knight in shining armor. He will arrive on his white horse when I am open to that type of thing again. This I am sure of. And if he is already around, he is just going to have to wait. Flirting is totally allowed. It keeps me feeling alive. A girls gotta know that she's still got it. And thank gd I do.

I am emotionally unavailable.
I am busy.
I am focused.
I am in transition.
I am strong.

And I am going somewhere.

See you there.

enjoy the music

2008-09-09T10:37:00.001-07:00

There is a violinist who moved in next door. It's divine. A wonderful way to end the year. And my time at this address. Whoever they are is professional and of course I think this is beautiful. I played clarinet from the age of 9, I was born to play the licorice stick. I sat first chair in the orchestra for all you music buffs. At the age of 13 I got accepted to one of the best music schools in the US. Circumstances took me elsewhere. That is life. I am grateful for the talent that I developed and maybe one day will pursue music again, but for now I am working on something different. I can appreciate a talented musician. And I can appreciate that everything has its time.

I have decided to change my career path and the very thought of it excites me. A career that allows me to put my university degree to work. I get a real pleasure out of this pursuit as it challenges me to develop myself in new and interesting ways. The hard work that it is entailing is worth it. I will be moving closer to the sea. The thought of that makes me scream inside. And sometimes outside as well when I am alone. I can't stop smiling. To be near the sea is a blessing. B'Kitzur I have been very busy lately, and so I haven't had the time to write. I have been processing, and for me processing takes time. Its all very exciting.

I was speaking to a couple of people today in the na na neighborhood and we were discussing how it is a challenge to live here. No one could explain why. It's soul re-shaping work, if you let it be. Jerusalem especially is an intense place, and not everyone is ready to live here, but it prepares you to live outside of the city, that's for sure. It also makes you tougher. I am becoming tougher and it feels great. I should really say that I am tougher today than I was yesterday.

I am so grateful for everything that I have, and for everything that has made me, me. Life can be simple and enjoyable if you let it be. It is better to learn this sooner rather than later.

Its important to sit back and enjoy the music. That's my plan.

first days

2008-09-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

I am letting my inner voice guide me. I have no choice. I am starting from the beginning. Getting to know myself all over again. This is an experience I wouldn't wish upon my greatest enemy but this is something most people must go through at some point in their lives. I think. It feels quite normal and human. Something amazing will come out of all of this. I am sure of it.

Already some great things have happened. I have a new roommate. And she is lovely. Yay. Its a whole new chapter. A whole new energy. But most importantly, a whole new era. I have known her for a while and its just interesting the way the world works. You really never know what is around the corner and that is exciting. In a way.

I will begin to work around the clock. Teaching in the mornings and working for Google in the afternoons. As well as teachers college and private teaching and transcribing. 5 different things to do. Thank gd. I have no choice. I will not have time to write as much, but I will find the time. Life is a challenge here. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I like to start random conversations with people and the word on the street is that its not easy here. Emotionally or financially. I have lived on both sides of the tracks. I grew up one way and circumstances took me another way. I know what its like to have money and not have money. I have decided its good to have it, but to do good things with it. I am working on making it all happen. The hard work is worth it. I have no idea why, but I am certain it is.

Today was the first day of school. One class was manageable, the other slightly less. I am unable to have a sense of humour about it. That bothers me.

Its the first days. And I am feeling patient. Sort of.

Elul 5768

2008-08-31T05:09:00.000-07:00

The events of the life that I live here in Nachlaot, have corresponded in perfect synchronism with the Jewish calendar this past month of Av. Its freaky. The fast of Av was the day tower one fell, and the very last tower fell on the very last day of Av. I felt my own personal temple crumble. And it wasn't that much fun. I have to be honest. Holding on for dear life and cherishing what is good have carried me to today, the first day of Elul. They say the King dwells in the fields in the month of Elul. The palace is open. And we are free to visit. The heat of the summer, while still felt, is less than impossible. Last night, I began to feel the winds of change sweeping into my apartment. I really did. If only one event occurred I wouldn't have a reason to write about it. But a force much larger than myself gave this all to me as a gift so that I can enter the next very important stage of my existence. For lack of better words.

I have to admit, today, I am becoming a stronger person because of it. I have faith in the good things that this year will bring. I am not scared. And I am hopeful. I survived an avalanche and I am so grateful. I have survived many... And I know I am not alone.

Living alone is interesting. I have mixed feelings about it. I can play the tunes as loud as I would like. I love that. Its only temporary so I am going to enjoy it. Everything is new. I even started a new job today. I have no choice but to look inwards and upwards and begin the New Year with the emphasis on the new... Having been someone who has always embraced change I am now finding it a challenge. Thats life. Thanks for standing by me while I live it. It changes no matter how much we think it stays the same or how much we want it to stay the same. Its important to have faith in goodness even through the blood, sweat and tears.

This new year may we all be written and sealed in the book of life.

Intimacy

2008-08-29T03:45:00.000-07:00

We all need attention. We crave it. But most of all within intimacy. I have been blessed with the opportunity to experience true intimacy. I've been there. It doesn't come around all the time. So in the meantime I went out last night with some nice people and had a great time. I am beginning to feel that stam attention is not such a blessing. In my opinion. I have felt this way for a long time. There was dancing, a bit of drinking, and the usual for a night out on the town. A town that is severely under construction and inconvenient to party in at the moment. Jaffa street looks like a war zone. No joke. I mostly drank water. My usual. I like it straight. Alcohol tastes like poison to me. They say one in five people hate the taste of alcohol. I am that one in five. The people watching, human behavior observation and the music is enough to chill me out. Maybe a few cheeky cigarettes as well. So I sat at the outdoor bar while the girls were inside watching their friends play in a band. Its 1:30am. The same boys who were perfectly respectful at 9pm are now intoxicated and suddenly I feel a bit suffocated.

I keep drinking water. I politely decline all offers of a glass of this or that. They introduce themselves extending their bar hand. I just go with it. The handshake. Its all harmless. I was in great spirits but that inner voice spoke. I tell myself this is just a small moment in time. This too shall be learned from. But I am not in my element. Certainly not. I am all for intellectual conversation or something a little deeper than speaking about my travel experiences. I can do that too. I just don't want to be touched or kissed on the cheek. Not right now, at least. And not for the sake of having baseless intimacy. Anyways, I left with dignity of course. This is not what society tells me to do. This is what I do. I am not interested in attention as much as I am in intimacy. True intimacy that is pure. Maybe due to lack of close ties in a familial sense I crave it, all I know is that it is a huge blessing to have it and it is definitely worth waiting for. Its an amazing force.

So I will wait and do what I do. Which is a good deal too.

Roommate flies back to her country of her birth today. Thank gd for msn. I will miss her and wish her the greatest of the greatest. She is really an incredible girl. You get to know people when you live with them.

Dear August 2008, and the year 5768...

I will be happy when you are over.

I look forward to better things in the coming years.

Sincerely,

TJ

day by day

2008-08-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if you noticed, but I didn't write yesterday. That will happen on occasion. I suppose its a good way to recharge the creative juices. In this case it wasn't one of those days. There's just so much going on...all at once. I needed to pause and deal with the shock. I needed a full 24 hours. I won't bore you with juicy details, but this month has gone like dominoes. But thats it. Its straight up from here. I got a fantastic job with the Open University today. Perfect. I just want to reiterate that within every dark cloud there is always a silver lining. If you look for it. Its instinct to me to first think of the blessing that can come out of something. Thank gd. And then I worry about everything else... and that everything else is where true growth can come in order to welcome that blessing. Thats how I see it.

The vessel that you are determines what comes into it. And when I say vessel I mean you, body and soul. We are vessels in that we receive the things that come into our lives. I am really into Maimonides teachings about health. He was a great doctor after all... Working on the physical vessel is just as integral as the other stuff. Building physical strength and taking care of yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Its insurance. And it has been my life raft throughout this storm. I had a period a few years ago when I was in amazing shape in body but not in soul. Now its combination time. Its crucial that I work on both. This is my path and I am on staying on it. Even if it hurts. I got off for a while. That happens. Life continues to amaze me. But I am staying on the side of being less cynical. Each day is an opportunity to bring good things in even when all forces seem to work against that. I tell myself that.

Every.

Single.

Day.

for the bride and groom

2008-08-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

The wedding was lovely tonight. I took pictures. The venue was a spot on top of a mountain, very non-commercial. The bride had a little climb as she walked towards the chuppah. Girls in pretty white dresses look cute doing just about anything. The scenic backdrop of the chuppah included but was not limited to a perfect sunset. It was truly stunning. You couldn't really go wrong. Best part of course was the lovely couple that brought this whole event together. They were gracious hosts who provided a relaxed and fun atmosphere. You got the feeling that these two souls were truly united. I had a lovely time. I mostly just silently cheered them on.

I had to dance at the end when the band started to play Celtic music. Violin is sexy. I of course ran into various individuals I have known in the various lives that I have had. The Jewish world is quite small. But thats also what makes it quite nice. Most of the time. This wedding was an easy place to score a good chat. It was lovely catching up with old faces and meeting some new people. The shmoozy crowd and romantic vibe was well orchestrated. I appreciate that in a party. And its apparent that these two make good parties.

Two good people were united tonight...

I like it when two little lights find each other. They now have the ability to make more light together.

I think that rocks.

a light unto the nations

2008-08-25T23:31:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite writers in Israel is Sayed Kashua. He has a column in the Haaretz Weekend section. He has published books, but I dig his column mostly for its very interesting perspective. He doesn't even know how much I appreciate his writing. He is an Arab. And no I don't have a crush on him. I just highly recommend you read his column if you would like to see things from the viewpoint of an Arab living amongst Jews. A regular Arab just trying to make it all happen for himself and his family... He has what I would call the Arab equivalent of the Woody Allen Syndrome. Everything that happens to him is because he is an Arab. As a Jew I can relate to this, I would say living here has cured me of that, but I totally get where he is coming from...Its also an easy read.

I really hate to bring this up but I have to tell you all that there are people who live amongst us, here in these parts, who do not think that the Jews are the bees knees. I am not going to sugar coat it. Its probably not even a surprise really, but not everyone learned about ethnocentrism in university. Clearly. I have been hearing through the grapevine that many visitors have a very low opinion of the who and what that goes on here. I have heard it one too many times for comfort. It bothers me. Its pashut lo naim li. Whats all this talk about being a light unto the nations. What does that mean really? I think if we thought about what that meant it might change things a bit. Maybe we should just work on being little lights ourselves?

I have to admit I don't think about antisemitism all that often. The conflict between the Arabs and the Jews is different because we are both semitic nations. We coexist. Arabs, like everyone, have feelings too. The matzav here is different to the Jewish antisemitism that goes on elsewhere. When living in one of the southern states of America I once returned to my school locker to find a swastika had been drawn on it. I was 12 years old. I have been called Jew girl. I don't really have those issues in Nachlaot. Thank gd.

Basically this morning I realize that the only thing that I can control is what goes on in my own world. My job is to be a little light.

Thats how the tikkun all starts. Here's to hoping.

the way it is...

2008-08-25T06:54:00.001-07:00

I live in a really cute part of town. I live in what is called a simta, or alley. Its not what you would imagine in New York or London. Well, not exactly. It was originally a little community that was built around a well. The well is sealed up now but hundreds of tourists pass by this little alley every year to hear the story. Its an historical alley. Of sorts. The history in Jerusalem seems almost endless. I will find out the story about the well. Anyways, I have become friends with my neighbors, in keeping with my own personal custom of doing so when I move to a new place. They are a quirky bunch but they look out for me. Its a real gift. Its nice to come home and see familiar faces. We visit with each other, stay up to date with the latest dramas and do the things that neighbors do. Gd bless them all.

Night one in new sleeping location was interesting. I think the hardest part about adjusting to any new bedroom is getting used to the sounds at night. There is a streetlight that shines in. I like it. Gives me that metropolitan feel. I am a city girl through and through. Always something going on. Anyways... there were new sounds, and that was no fun. Eventually I guess I passed out because I woke up this morning. A tad confused... however my bed was amazing as per usual. The sunlight was amazing. Not too much, just enough to be enjoyed. Its one of those days where the little things count for a lot.

This week I have the chance to take a little vacation time. The summer has been very, very busy and very warm. August is the hottest month... School starts in a week. I am ready. Vacation time for me means there are a few meetings but for the most part until school is in session I am free as a bird. I will probably spend most of my time at the gym. And the other part writing. And the other part planning. My roommate is leaving in a few days. I am dealing.

Its probably for the best that I take a month before inviting someone else's energy into my life.

And thats how it will be. Ha Kol Yehyeh beseder... for real.

a little change, a lot of good

2008-08-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

This year will conclude itself having been one of the most formative years of my existence. The end of an era. I am ready to usher in 5769. Its going be a great year.

Living in the holy land does not mean that it is any easier to be an angel all the time. In fact I think its harder here. Today, I had to call the cable company several times in order to cancel my cable. I yelled at them. In Ivrit. And I don't feel bad. Why can't anyone listen to me before I raise my voice? Please Gd they won't forget to stop the payments as well. Anyways, Cable is canceled. Thats right, I have kicked the habit. Me and cable have broken up. I think its for the best really. I never felt we were heading in a positive direction.

The pursuit of knowledge through reading is far more enjoyable and I will be doing a lot of that this year. The simple life can wait. I love that show but it simply wasn't doing anything for me. An English language and literature teacher requires being both up to date and dated in my knowledge of literature. I am not exactly surrounded by libraries, its real work. Teachers college will be a lovely break in the week. I don't really have time for tv these days. But I am thrilled. Its gonna be awesome.

I have moved. They say when you change your place you also change your luck. Mishaneh et ha makom mishaneh et ha mazal. We'll see. It wasn't a big move, it was a small move, but the best move I could have made. I had been thinking about it for a while. It required a lot of shlepping, painting, cleaning, and reorganizing. Absolutely everything. It was worth it. 7 hours later and I have carved out a new place in the world for myself. Not bad, eh? I must admit it feels almost magical in a way. The newness of it all, and the loveliness of waking up to the blue sky. That was always one of my favorite things about living here. I put it in the back of my mind for so long. I haven't woken up to sunlight in over 2 years. I didn't miss it. I now welcome it with open eyes. Eight months of the year, I am guaranteed some sunshine. Bring - it - on.

Through this move, I have rid myself of the silly possessions that bear no meaning. I have kept the things that I know are important. Thats all the matters.

3 garbage bags later...

And I am a free woman.

Before we go any further...

2008-08-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

I must explain a few things.

Apparently, astrologically speaking everything we do until a certain age is out of our control. I admit that have been drawn to astrology over the years. I also admit it can border on believing in something that is less than Gd. I am ridding myself of the inclination to read too much into it. But if it is in fact true that we are not responsible for what we do up until a certain age, than I am living proof that there is some truth to this. I have done some stupid things. I have also done some incredible things... lets just leave it at that. Judaism says that we get to begin again at age 20 and then again at the Chuppah. I am a few years after the age of 20... and probably not far from the Chuppah, and something has hit me.

I have just begun to come into a new stage. I am having an awakening of sorts. Not sure what it all means, but it feels just right. It is the the fine tuning stage. I have been waiting for this. All of the experiences I have had up until now have come to this. It is interesting to me that absolutely everyone in my life has had massive change in their lives in the last two months. We are all connected. We are all in this together. You don't have to be alone, just learn to connect with people and yourself on a deeper level and you can have this kind of web of friends as well, but I know most of you already do.

Fine tuning requires a lot of energy. It requires proper sleep, diet, work outs, and work habits. And cutting out my diet coke addiction... It, however for me, also requires a lot of connecting, and this can be the tiring part. It gives me energy as well, but I give that credit mostly to the workouts and good sleep. The world was given to me as a means for me to work on myself. Amazing, thank you. Look into various important relationships and fix what can be better, including my relationship with myself. But most of all, this translates into my relationship with Gd. Gd is not a man sitting on a cloud... You know what Gd is if you have ever been in a foxhole. Hopefully not. I have explained this all before. Its a completely different experience for everyone. Its difficult to describe something that is so awesome and sometimes so angry and unfair. Anyways, this writing I do is another way to connect. On various levels.

I have a lot more to say about Gd of course. However, I wouldn't call myself a religious person. Jewish thought says that we can be above the stars. And so before we go any further I must make it clear to you that my faith and belief has played one of the largest roles in my life. That has never changed.

Peaceful Shabbat to all.

wings of change

2008-08-21T03:50:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I was angry. I was pissed off. I was nervous. And now I am tired. I actually woke up tired, which isn't a fantastic way to jump start the day. The city is the biggest balagan I have witnessed since living in Beijing. Sixteen million people there. Jaffa street is down to one lane. I waited at an intersection 5 minutes walk from my house in an autobus for over half an hour. I was ready to litpotzetz. Explode. Thank Gd for the air conditioning that stopped me from doing so. As soon I was free from this prison experience, I got off the bus like a baby breathes its first breath of life. I held back all tears today. Those are to only be used for really important occasions. I have decided. I was free to think again, like a normal human being. I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today... but I conquered it and did not let it conquer me. I don't even need to get into my altercation at the bank today. Because I won.

I walked into my apartment, the sweet place with great karma where I lay my head at night and started to think only good thoughts. Great thoughts. I invited them in. And within minutes I was feeling better. I let myself deflate. Deflating is important. I have special guests for the remainder of the week and weekend so I am thrilled and blessed. My wonderful roommate will be leaving soon, winds of change sometimes cannot not be stopped. I have every confidence that we will keep in touch. The world isn't a huge place anymore. And she knows she is always welcome, sans rent. It has been a productive and accomplished week. It has been a week not wasted. Each day has invited wonderful events. All I can say is: Amen.

The gates are opening up. The winds of change can be felt. So can the wings. New beginnings for everyone. I am counting down to Yom Kippur. My favourite Jewish holiday.

See you all in shul.

people vs. things

2008-08-20T05:31:00.000-07:00

I am one of those individuals who find people more interesting than things. Early studies show that girl babies find people interesting and boy babies find objects more interesting. So its not really a shock. I also find animals fascinating but only in so much as how I relate primal behavior to human behavior. The world with all of its inhabitants is truly a crazy place. I have had 23 addresses in 28 years. I have seen and lived amongst all types. Some of my most meaningful conversations have been with homeless people. My bleeding heart once adopted a kitten who used to stalk me while I wasn't paying attention. I have had my fair share of the pie.

I think the main thing you and I have in common is that we all (most of us) are best when we have something to do. We feel best about ourselves when we are working towards a goal and exhibit healthier thoughts and behaviors as a result of doing so. Why did I just figure this out now? I guess it was just part of my plan. Why are people searching for happiness? Because they aren't really making a conscious decision to work towards it. I don't really believe there is a single human on earth who hasn't had doubts about what makes them happy, but its what you choose to do with those doubts that can be life changing. And I don't think its the things in our life that ultimately make us happier people.

In this country, most of us are not blessed with having many things; we have nice apartments, comfortable furniture (hopefully), enough food, funky things on the walls, and if we are living the high life, a car. There are some of us who have more things than others, but most people who live here agree that its not about the things. Here we have people, and if you don't have people here, life can be very very lonely. I am not just talking about fair weather friends, they have their place as well. I am talking about having friends who you can consider family. Everyone who lives here or has moved here has a story. Its not that hard to make friends. Israelis have very tight families, more so Sephardi than Ashkenazi, but I have seen equal tightness in both circles. Arabs and Christians are an entirely different demographic on which I am a bit clueless about.

You get my point. Things can never replace people.

Its all about the people. Be it through blood ties or the ties we create for ourselves.

Lets call it social solidarity. I am definitely signing up.

Confessions

2008-08-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

It appears to the outside world, my outside world, that I am solo and have basically been solo half of my life. (Due to unforeseen circumstances I was independent not long after diapers. Ok, not that bad, but definitely before my time...). Now for the truth... I am one of the least solo individuals that I know. Without going into details I will basically tell you this: My universe is exciting and its full of love. And I am good friends with G-d. Sorry to all atheists and agnostics in the house, but there truly are no atheists in a fox hole. Never heard of any agnostics in one either. I live in a country of believers who have seen one too many foxholes to ever doubt the existence of a higher power. That totally works for me.

I want to apologize to my (former) self for never being able to recognize how good things are, and how fantastic they will be. Up until now its been quite the ride but I have witnessed and can testify that life is beautiful no matter what happens. Its all part of a plan, an evolution of sorts if you choose to see it that way. I promise you.

When I was 18 I came to Israel to study for a year after high school. It was then that my harrowing romance with this place began. Other than a few fantastic quotes that I take with me through life, I confess that I don't remember much about the learning that I did. I spent most of my time on Tel Aviv beach with a handsome young man from Shenkin. His neighbour was Dana International and fyi he/she had won eurovision that year. Big deal. When I returned to Canada he had sent me two plane tickets in the hopes that I would return for him. Thank the powers that be for telling me not to go back at that time. It could have been serious had he treated his mother with respect...bless the l-rd for giving me eyes that see and ears that hear as well as a realization that I had to get a university degree. Anyways, out of that year one quote in particular really spoke to me... Standing still is going backwards. Its totally true. Its all about moving forward, even when we are pretty sure we can't. Thats basically been my secret for the past 14 years.

I often get the privilege of meeting less enlightened individuals who see absolutely no connection between any of the events in their lives. I am no psychotherapist, my only qualification being that I am a citizen of this earth and a human being by nature just like everyone else... But I will tell you this much, nothing that happens is a coincidence. Maybe it took growing up way outside of a bubble to realize this but it certainly doesn't have to be that way.

Anyways I am into a new quote these days.. If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? Its a new chapter in my life. And its lots of fun. Trust me.

I have begun to see the light. It has nothing to do with Jesus and its fabulous.

Stay tuned.

A gift for you

2008-08-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

G-d I love teachers college. This is an example of just one of the fun things that we get to do. I just had to share. Consider it a gift.

They call them persona poems. Whatever, they were easy to write and loads of fun. If more people took time out of their day to make silly poems, the world would be an easier place to live in. I will supply a template afterwards so you folks can try this at home. Here we go...

Toronto Jewess

T.J. Gorgeous. Sweety.
Funny, worried, intelligent and very silly.
Child of G-d.
Loves chocolate, writing and a good conversation.
Is afraid of being alone, running out of underwear and home invasions.
Wants to see more happiness, less anger and her best friends B & B.
Resident of Nachlaot.

...Jewess

This is for you folks at home:

Poem Template:

________________,_______________ (First name, last name)

________________,_____________,____________... (First name/s, nicknames)

________________,_______________,_______________ (adjectives)

_________________ of _________________ (eg. sister of daniella or whatever)

Loves _____________,__________________,______________

Is afraid of __________,______________,______________

Wants to see ________________,____________________,_____________

Resident of _____________

..._____________. (last name)

Hope you had as much fun making yours as I did mine. Happy and productive week to all :)

under the table

2008-08-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

Six months after moving here I was working in the Prime Ministers Office. I must have been doing something right. That was a cool gig. I got free diet coke and spring water on tap. I also got to work in HQ. I heard a lot of secrets and witnessed many things (nothing too scandalous) that definitely separate Israel from the rest of the political world. I obviously can't get into that. I signed papers saying that I wouldn't. Security was tight there, and when I say tight, I mean tight like mea shearim tights. There was no getting in easy. The line ups were sometimes long, not to mention the questioning, and other fun things that came along with working in HQ. The best part was that I was working under the table. A few doors away from Olmert who was also working under the table. I taught government officials and members of kinneset how to talk and write english good while avoiding paying taxes. Brilliant. My other favorite part about working there was when the building would go on lock down. Fifteen minutes before the prime minister arrives or exits, the building is locked down and no one may enter or leave. It always made me feel like I was in a major motion picture and I was an extra. Silly stuff really. It was all good fun. They offered me more work, but I've put it on the back burner for now. This time to work on the books. The karma there just wasn't for me. Perhaps a new administration will bring different feelings. For now I'll stick to high school. My conscience tells me to do so.

If we are speaking about things that are under the table it might be a good time to mention the type of flooring that supports those who live here. In my apartment. Remember the wedding in Telpiot? Yep, that floor. Pal-Kal. Certainly no pal of anyones. I guess as long as I don't have functions that exceed 7 people things should be ok. And absolutely no dancing. Its illegal now to build apartments with Pal-Kal, too bad government regulations weren't so concerned about safety and quality until a bunch of people passed away at what was the supposed to be the happiest day of anyones life. Pathetic. But in all fairness it is a young country that is getting its act together. Slowly but for-surely. Its difficult as a westerner to be patient and to really appreciate this process. We had nothing to do with building the countries we all came from, did we? Its all part of the establishment process and newness of it all. Its not going to be pretty all the time. Trial and error is part of the establishment of anything in life. Its all about how we work to improve things when they don't go the way we thought they would or thought they should the first time around. If we made the desert bloom, there's not much to worry about. The rest, as they say, is in G-ds hands. But for now I am still not having more than 7 people over until I move to a new place...

In case you were wondering

2008-08-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

The title of my blog is dedicated to the motherf***ers who used to live upstairs. You may be asking yourself why I chose to dedicate my blog to a group of undesirables, but in every bad situation there is always good. At least some. This wild bunch who occupied the upstairs was the closest in proximity that I have ever gotten to project living. And I have been around. These guys were all Jewish, not to mention breslover chassidim. The frum from Thursday types. It should have been a sign to me when on the the first night x told me that he had found his mattress on the street and was really excited that he didn't have to buy a bed. Ugh. I offered him some lemonade and went to my clean bed hoping that would be the worst of it. I couldn't think about how infested with whatever that mattress might be... Then came the friends, a constant stream of them filing in at all times of the day and night. Ok, young guys, no parents, alcohol.. I figured this was standard behavior. A few weeks later the walls were covered in graffiti, like top to bottom graffiti with only a small part of it being actual art. I can appreciate a nice piece of graffiti. But c'mon, in a newly renovated apartment?

And then came the rumors circulating around the building about heroin use. Bad news. This was when I had to put my foot down. There were babies and other respectables living in the building and I had to make sure these guys were out for the safety and protection of the collective. Not to mention the bad energy. And so began my dangerous campaign to get them out. They didn't pay the electricity bills (this was winter time) and I began to get a bit nervous that these guys were going to light an actual fire in their apartment. Fyi, I am usually nervous about something. I was praying human survival instincts wouldn't kick in as a result of their altered state and lack of saychel . I saw x one morning, once a bright looking blondie from somewhere in America, with 4 teeth knocked out, a black eye and no sign of the sparkle that once was. This guy had to sort himself out. Soon. Possibly yesterday. Thank the forces that be, my prayers were answered. They were going to be kicked out and they never lit a fire. To make a long story shorter it seems everyone got a little scared when one of the boys who used to hang there was murdered in an altercation over drug money. I had met that guy on several occasions. This was all too much. Something had to give. On their last night here I brought some tea up mostly cause it was cold and had a chat with the remaining boys. It was still kind of scary but the air had cleared for the most part. Sometimes we go so low before we can go up and this was what happened to x. I see him sometimes, he sorted himself out and the sparkle returned. I respect that. Its ok to learn the hard way sometimes.

As for the title you have the check out the graffiti around Nachlaot after reading this entry. And the energetic guys who dance at Zion square, or any square for that matter. Those were the sorta characters I was dealing with.

May the entire world be healed of the destructive forces that be. Amen.

Some thoughts on Tu B'av

2008-08-14T02:00:00.000-07:00

So its almost tu b'av (jewish valentines day) and I think this year I am gonna sit this one out. I mean, I don't have a problem with tu b'av I just don't think I am ready to dress up in white and run into the fields waiting to be chosen. Can you believe they used to do that? Sounds quite biblical. I guess. The modern day version includes painting some clubbing clothes on and heading to haoman 17 to grind the night away. Again, no thanks. I might watch Dirty Dancing for the 1000th time on tu b'av because I still feel, and have felt since the age of 6 (I was a wise one) that it is one of the sexiest romance movies ever created. Just the sort of thing to get me in a loving kind of mood. I still rewind the tush scene and run around the room screaming when the final scene arrives. Every time.

But seriously, if it is the best day in the Jewish calender to meet your match and if thats what you are looking for, then get out there. Ya never know. I always think if there is gonna be a little of that you know what in the air that can help you meet you never know who... then why the hell not. I am just not there this year. Instead I will be here, rewinding the tush scene and loving it. Feel free to let me know what you decide to do.

I must confess

2008-08-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

All I wanted to do today was come home and write. Write and write and write until I couldn't write anymore and then I realized that I better have something to write about.

Theres this man who used to sit at the corner of Jaffo and King George who played kick ass electric piano and guitar, and I swear that man kept things moving. It was a choreographed event. Every time the lights changed the people crossed the street in unison, to his beat. Due to the construction of the light rail his gig is now situated on Ben Yehuda. Its just not the same anymore. At least not to me. The whole city is a balagan now, but I have higher hopes for the light rail than I did for that bridge they built here. Before its completion people were calling it Davids harp and of course this got me all excited, thinking ok folks the messiah must really be on its way. I thought it sounded quite romantic. But no, it just looks like it belongs either at a really cool summer fair in some metropolitan city or over a river. Neither of those really being connected to Jerusalem at this moment in time. The light rail will class things up. Anyways, I have high hopes.

I have always had this dream of going to teachers college. Maybe I was worried that writing wouldn't work out so thought it would be good to have a solid backup. I was also concerned that being a musician wouldn't pan out, so therefore teaching would be a good backup. I have been teaching for years, and have decided that I can do all three if I want, but I think i'll just stick to two for now. Teachers college is lots of fun. We make drawings, sing songs, create clapping games, create lesson plans. I personally enjoy sitting in the air conditioning all afternoon. I am sure there are others who feel the same but would or could never be so open about it. I will admit, the educational management course is just a bonus. School year begins in less than two weeks and I feel quite relaxed about it all. No teaching school could ever prepare anyone for actually becoming an Israeli school teacher. If they wanted to train teachers effectively, my suggestion would be to take us to some army base for a week as the final week of the course, just to toughen us up. There is no teacher more made fun of than the English teacher. We are the French teachers in English schools all over the world. The weird one from some far off place who dresses funny. But I'm cool with that, because I am just there to fill their ignorant heads with some other language that they could care less about it and I know that it will help them someday. Maybe. There are a few enlightened students, of course. Its called the bell curve. I am also there because I care. I am a concerned member of society. Just check out nachalat shiva on a Thursday or Saturday night and if you are over the age of 25 you will understand why. So I was given the gift of teaching and relating to most walks of life and that makes me quite relaxed for the first day of school.

kindness and the gym

2008-08-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

This morning I read an article that filled with me with great pride. Thats rare these days. Israel sent out a plane to rescue Israelis from Georgia and I just thought, hey, thats exactly what I would do. Well done Israel. Not really a surprise though, the amazing things I witness on a daily basis are too many to count. And they aren't contrived acts of kindness, but natural sorta weaved in acts of kindness. Its instinctual and extremely contagious. Le-at Le-at you hear people telling the old woman hastily trying to make her way off the bus. Or just the random conversations you hear started between two random people, ending in dont worry if you need anything call me! Even the friendships formed here can have a special depth because living in the land of chalav v'dvash is possibly one of the most physically and emotionally challenging and demanding places to live but despite it all... I enjoy living in a place that forces me to be a better person.

The most important and difficult place to apply the being a better person thing is at the gym. No place makes me more atzbanit than the gym. I go to an all womens gym, I know you males are thinking, lucky her but no, really no. It means PMS time is ALL THE TIME. I reminisce about the days when I saw the male species shvitzing next to me, the small conversations, opportunities to flirt, invitations to get a drink. Which is exactly why I stopped going. There are two places where I dont need to sit next to boys, one is shul and the second is the gym. I don't need to explain that one, do I? I really don't want to sound like a j.a.p but the gyms here are to say it quite politely done in a pre-fab type of style. It looks pretty but disposable at the same time. The first gym I belonged to had rock beds placed randomly around the gym. I mean really who needs to fly over a rock in between sets? It was all meant to be a distraction from the fact that the ladies change room had no ventilation and was in full view of the males amongst other things. But really, rocks? I get the whole zen effect it was supposed to have but it wasn't practical in any way. I dont even need to start talking about the plywood flood floors that peeled off or the fact that there are at least 3 machines broken at any given time. Honestly, I know my membership goes mostly to the main necessity of every Israeli office place, white paper! I just wish they would admit it... My gym makes me spaz out, and I hate spazzing out.

Its never easy to be the better person all the time but its definitely good to develop a consciousness about it. It really does help everyone else out, even if you don't know it. Its just one of those things that you have to trust.

fake it till you make it

2008-08-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

A university professor once taught me that Jews have the highest rates of insanity and the lowest rates of suicide due to social solidarity. I witness it first hand, everyday. I am not sure if its our proximity to the equator that makes this place so steamy but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear yelling in the streets. Like jugular veins sticking out kind of yelling. Over a parking spot.

I spent a bit of time in england in April, and enjoyed the politeness ever so much. At first I was skeptical but they say fake it till you make it, so maybe thats a long standing British tradition that was stolen by the 12 step program. People can really be silly sometimes, but those Brits really get the gold when it comes to sucking it up. Anyways, when I arrived home (Israel) I was yelled at in the ladies room by the attendant at ben gurion airport and felt strangely comforted. Home sweet home. I sometimes get confused about whether the brash Israeli persona is a good thing or a bad thing. The good thing is that you really know where you stand, bad thing being if you are new in town it can really leave a bad taste... But truly nothing is every black or white, its those gray areas that are really the definers. Recently I and a mate (he's british) ran into these girlies at the western wall who were telling their woes of how security treated them at the airport. I guess a tiny country surrounded by enemies needs to watch its back. These girlies had just been in Syria so you really can't blame the thugs who put a damper in their day. Well hopefully they are over it, because it was really for the benefit of their own security too. It is almost impossible to criticize Israel for its lack of political correctness. Really folks it truly is last thing on the agenda here.

I have discovered the best way to get anything done here is to cry. Weep. Ball your eyes out. It seems the atzbani (jugular vein type stuff) goes out the door when someone has a broken heart, or is just having a bad day and is reduced to tears. Tiragi kzaat chamuda. Ha kol yehiyeh beseder.

It is refreshing to see the raw humanity here. There is no faking it here, just making it. Israel, just like all of us is a diamond in the rough.